Cats make us laugh all the time; they have sassy attitudes, cute habits and moments of utter madness.
Cats have entertaining personalities and we all love to watch funny cat videos but did you know there’s an abundance of hilarious cat jokes out there too?
Whether you are looking for cheesy one-liners to share with your mates or knock-knock jokes that would cause even grumpy cat to crack a smile, we’ve got them all here.
Are you ready for a laugh? We’ve gathered our favourite cat related jokes here for you to enjoy.
One-Liner Cat Jokes
Make people laugh with these witty cat-based one-liners:
- Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.
- Why are cats so good at video games?
Because they have nine lives.
- What do you call a cat that loves bowling?
An alley cat!
- What’s a cat’s favourite game?
- Why was the cat afraid of the tree?
Because of its bark.
- What’s smarter than a talking cat?
A spelling bee.
- Why was the cat sitting on the computer?
To keep an eye on the mouse.
- Why is it hard for leopards to play hide and seek?
Because they are always spotted.
- What’s a cat’s favourite song?
Three blind mice.
- What do you get if you cross a cat and a ball?
A fur ball.
- What cat likes living in water?
- A duck, a cow and a cat went out for dinner, who had to pay?
The duck, he’s the only one with a bill.
- What’s a cats favourite button on a remote?
- What’s a cat’s favourite subject in school?
- What looks like half a cat?
The other half.
- Did you hear about the passenger who had to be escorted off the plane?
She let the cat out of the bag.
- What do you get if you cross a cat and a parrot?
- What do cats wear at night?
- What’s a cat’s favourite day of the week?
- Why are cats better than babies?
Because you only have to change a litter box once a day.
- What’s the difference between a comma and a cat?
One is a pause at the end of a clause and the other has claws at the end of its paws.
- What did the alien say to the cat?
Take me to your litter.
- Where does a cat go when it loses its tail?
The retail store.
- What’s a cat’s favourite treat?
A mice-cream cone
- Why are cat’s terrible storytellers?
They only have one tail.
- What kind of musician does the cat want to be?
- What happened when the cat ate a clown fish?
It felt funny.
- When is it bad luck to see a black cat?
When you’re a mouse.
- What kind of cat works in a hospital?
A first aid kitten.
- How do cats get over a fight?
They hiss and make up.
- What is a cat’s favourite book?
The Great Catsby.
- How do cats maintain law and order?
- What do you call a cat wearing shoes?
Puss in boots.
- Why are cats such good piano players?
Because they are very mewsical.
- How is a cat like a coin?
It has a head on one side and a tail on the other.
- Why can’t cats play go fish with each other?
They get too distracted by the fish.
- What’s a cat’s favourite game to play with mice?
- What’s a cat’s favourite magazine?
- What do cats to in the morning?
Read the mewspaper.
- What does a cat do after it wakes up in the morning?
It goes back to sleep.
- What do you call a cat that works at Christmas?
- What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives but a frog croaks every night.
- Where do kittens go on school trips?
- Why was the mouse afraid of swimming?
- What’s a mouse’s least favourite song?
What’s up pussycat!
- What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
- What do cats use for fresh breath?
- A cats to-do list:
- Freak out in the middle of the night
- What do you get if you cross a leopard with a watchdog?
A terrified postman.
- If there are 10 cats in a boat and one jumps out, how many cats are left?
None, because they were copycats.
- What does a scared cat say?
Stop freaking meowt.
- What do you get if you cross a tiger and a sheep?
A stripy sweater.
- What do you call a pile of cats?
- What does a cat drive?
- What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman?
- How is cat food sold?
- What’s a cat’s favourite chocolate?
- How do you make a cat happy?
Send it to the Canary Islands!
- What is a cat tantrum?
A hissy fit.
- What do you call a dishonest African cat?
A “lyin’ cub”
- Did you hear what happened to the cat that ate the ball of yarn?
It had mittens!
- What did the cat say when the mouse got away?
“You’ve got to be kitten me!”
Enjoying these? Also Read:
Cat Knock Knock Jokes
Who doesn’t love a classic knock-knock joke? These cat knock-knock jokes are guaranteed to leave you laughing:
Quit kitten around and let me in!
Cat you understand!
Claws the door, it’s cold!
Hans off my cat!
Lion on your doorstep, open up!
Neil down and pet this cat!
Claw Enforcement, you have the right to remain silent.
Catsup a tree and won’t come down!
Short Funny Cat Jokes
Short, sweet and brilliantly funny:
- If the Earth was flat, cats would push everything off it.
- Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
- In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods… They have not forgotten.
- If cats could text you back, they wouldn’t.
- Dogs can’t operate MRI scanners but catscan.
- Cats spend half their life asleep and the other half making viral videos.
- Cats ears are built to allow the human voice to go in one ear and out the other.
- Letting the cat out of the bag is easier than putting it back in.
- If sleeping were an Olympic sport, my cat would win gold.
- Cats are like cookies… You can never have just one.
- I had to get rid of my boyfriend, he was allergic to cats.
- I dressed my dog up as a cat for Halloween… now he won’t come when I call him.
Long Form Feline Jokes
Looking for longer jokes with more depth? Keep your audience clinging on to every detail as you work up to the purrfect punchline:
There were two cats looking into a green canary’s cage, the first cat said to the other, “That’s not a canary, it’s green!” the other cat replied, “I don’t know. Maybe it’s not ripe yet!”.
What did one flea say to the other?
“Shall we walk or take the cat?”
A man feels terrible after running over a cat, he walks up to a lady’s door.
She answers and he says, “I’m so sorry, I ran over your cat. I’d like to replace it.” The woman says, “Okay, how good are you at catching mice?”
The first cat said, “Meow.”
The second said, “Meow.”
The third said, “Meow, meow”.
The first cat said, “Don’t change the subject.”
I think I have OCD… Obsessive Cat Disorder.
A cat walks into a bar. The bartender asks, “what can I get you?”. The cat says, “A shot of whiskey.”
The bartender pours the cat the drink and puts it onto the bar. Slowly, the cat pushes the shot off the bar before immediately demanding, “ANOTHER!”.
A policeman stops a
man in a car with a lynx in the passenger seat.
“What are you doing with a lynx? You should take him to the zoo!” The policeman says.
The next week he stops the same car to see the man still has the lynx, “I thought you were going to take the cat to the zoo.” He says.
“I did! We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!”
A lady took a fox to the vet, the veterinarian looked at the fox and shook his head, “I’m sorry, the fox is dead.” Said the vet.
“How can you be so sure?” Said the lady.
The vet left and return with a Labrador, the dog stood up on its hind legs and shook its head.
The vet left and came back with a cat. The cat also sniffed the fox and shook its head.
The vet said the fox was 100% dead.
The vet then handed the lady the bill.
“Why’s it so expensive?” The lady asked.
The vet replied, it would’ve been just £40 if you believed me at first.”
“Well why is it £300?!” the lady asked.
“Because you had a lab report and a cat scan.”
A little boy asks his friend for advice, “help my cat has had 8 kittens and I don’t have enough space to look after them!”
The friend says, “take them and leave them outside a restaurant where they can easily find food.”
The boy calls his friend the next day, “I took the kittens and left them outside a restaurant but it didn’t work! They came right back home!”
The friend suggests he tries again when it is dark.
“It didn’t work! They came straight back home, it’s as if they have GPS.”
The friend replied, annoyed this time, “Take them farther than you’ve ever gone, turn left, turn right, go far to confuse the kittens.”
After a couple of days, the friend calls the boy to ask if he got rid of the kittens.
The boy replies, “I did what you said, I walked around for hours and then I got lost. I just came back… If I did not follow the kittens I would never have made it back home!”.
A pair of mice were walking when a cat suddenly jumped out to attack them. The older mouse shouts “BARK” at the cat and the cat runs away. “See?”
The older mouse says, “That’s why it’s so important to learn a foreign language.”.
Go to the back door and look for the dog. If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it is likely raining.
If the dog is drenched then it is likely pouring. If the dog looks like he’s been rubbed the wrong way it is likely windy, if the dog has snow on him it is likely snowing.
Of course, to accurately tell what the weather is like you need to leave the dog outside at all times. Your sincerely, the CAT.
A couple is about to go out for the evening, they are all dressed up and ready to go.
As they open the door to leave, the cat runs inside the house. The taxi is already outside so the woman goes to the taxi while the man goes inside to get the cat out.
The woman didn’t want the taxi driver to know they were leaving the house empty so she told him, “My husband is on the way he is just saying goodbye to my mother.”
A few minutes later, the husband arrives saying, “Sorry I took so long, the stupid thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out.”
A tomcat and a tabby cat were flirting one evening when the tom leaned in and purred, “I’d die for you.” The tabby gazed at him and asked, “How many times?”.
“What happened to your cat? He was running around the village like crazy earlier.”
“He got castrated yesterday and now he’s cancelling all of his dates.”
What’s the difference between a man and a cat?
One eats a lot, is lazy and doesn’t care who bring the food. The other is a pet.
We hope you enjoyed our collection of cat jokes, thanks for reading!
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